got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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