It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
