It's Friday. Sex?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize