He uses pillows to masturbate.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
