tell your sister to shave her snatch
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
