I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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