Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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