So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Life is so much better after having sex.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
