Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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