ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
In America we eat man semen.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
