If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
