I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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