I could have mohawked her pubes.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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