If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
