What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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