apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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