I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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