sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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