I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
