I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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