Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
