I hate all girls vehemently.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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