we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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