you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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