Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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