You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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