Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
