i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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