I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
