Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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