Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
