Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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