the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Green mimosas i think yes
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Randomize
