i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
