That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i think i just lost a toe
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
