I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
