You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
