i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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