I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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