I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
