Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize