The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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