I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
