sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
