We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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