update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
