all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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