So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
