Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
