you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
