hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
