When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
