i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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