I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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