1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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