Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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