Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
