I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
