Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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