I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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