I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
