Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
