These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
