tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
