Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
