Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
