I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
