my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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