3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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