he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
